so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
