Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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