Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
