Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
