she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
