So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
