i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I just shit out all my problems.
wow bdsm is so cute
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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