So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
