hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
