I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
