I CAN MOONWALK!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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