Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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