I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
