Can i not drive my cunt home
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
