I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
