it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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