but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
