You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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