if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
