I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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