he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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