So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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