I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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