i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
