i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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