if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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