ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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