So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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