I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
