So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
