I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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