Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
