Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
