pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
