We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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