wanna go halves on a baby?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
