the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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