Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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