direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
