If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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