Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
