..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
