this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
