we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
