I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
