I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
