I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
