I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
