Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
