Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This house was built for laser tag.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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