If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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